BREAK UPS
He had been seeing her for a really long time. So long that he felt that she was ‘the one’. He was just gathering up the courage to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him when WHAM, she told him that she dint love him anymore. He was shattered. Everything had been going well. He was still crazy about her. All that kept repeating in his head was that he wasn’t good enough for her. This eventually led him to suicide. He survived only to live the rest of his days alone. He never dated anyone after that. He was afraid to.
Sounds familiar?? Did the same happen with you? Your best friend? Then you are not alone. Millions of people in the world suffer everyday from the trauma of going through a broken relationship. The loss can be crushing. You feel you may never get past this phase of your life. You feel pain, you feel anger and disappointment. There is not only sad seeing someone who meant so much to you walk out that door, its even more disappointing to see him/ her take all your hopes and dreams with them.
Breakups don’t always happen for the worse. Sometimes its better to break up with a person, for your own good.
How do you know when to break up?
Its time to break up if:
| • | You are suffering from torture or abuse, be it physical or mental, at the hands of your partner/ spouse |
| • | You feel your fundamentals and ideals don’t match with that of your partner. |
| • | Your interests don’t match anymore and there are irreconcilable differences between you. |
The core of a good relationship lies in being compatible with each other. Being fundamentally incompatible is the most common reason for breaking up.
What are the after effects of a breakup?
The most common after effects of a break up are:
| • | Having an identity crisis |
| • | Having difficulty trusting again |
| • | Fear of Commitment |
| • | Feeling Triggered |
| • | Depression |
| • | Suicidal Tendencies |
Grief and Stages of Grief:
Grief of being dumped moves in different stages:
In the beginning you feel shocked, upset and numb. You may even go through stages of denial. Its hard to believe that the relationship is over. Most people operate automatically as if nothing has changed. They operate normally and carry on with life although they know that the relationship is over. There may be times when you may try to get back together with the ex. A lot of people go through a stage where they hold themselves responsible for the breakup. They go through the “if only I had” or the “if only I dint “ phases. This stage of shock or disbelief is the body’s natural protection against pain
The second stage involves feeling anger, frustration and in some cases revenge. This stage is often the longest and hardest to get over. Some people don’t allow themselves to feel anything while others have trouble letting go of what they are feeling. It is important that you let go of all the negativity that is in you and move on.
The last stage of the relationship is when you accept that the relationship is over and that you are going to be okay. You regain some of your zest for life and begin to see a future ahead. In this acceptance stage, you have done a lot of thinking and you realize why the break up actually did you good. You begin to accept that it was all for the best and life is beautiful once more.
Breaking up is hard. Surviving one is harder. It is the only thing that seems permanent in this world of constant change. Grieve your loss fully but at the same time let yourself know that you wont always feel this way. You will emerge out stronger.