How do we build a good relationship?

•	Whoever said that Honesty is the best policy was not wrong. Honesty is the key to any good long lasting relationship. Couples need to be honest not only to each other but also in their commitment towards the relationship as well as themselves.
•	Another reason why relationships don’t last is due to the lack of communication between partners. This is a common problem mostly among married couples. Couples claim that they don’t have the time or the need to talk to each other. Little do they realize that if only they had spoken to each other about how they felt about a certain problem, a workable solution would have been reached?
•	Couples in a relationship – either in the courting stage or married need to find time to spend with each other, at least once in a way. There is nothing better than taking some time off and enjoying your partners company.

The biggest question in any relationship is this, “What am I looking for in this relationship? Often people talk about knowing what your needs are in a relationship. How do I as an individual differentiate what I need from a relationship versus what my thoughts as to how a relationship should be?” The answer too is pretty simple – be honest with yourself first. Once you are honest with yourself you will be able to tell the difference between delusion and reality. Over time you will realize what you need is to be loved and to have nourishing relationships. If you accept that you have these certain basic needs then you will look and see how these needs are being met. The thoughts that you might have are just manifestations of how your needs are being met. You can move away from these thoughts by being honest and telling yourself “This is what I need right now”.

Now that the area of building a good relationship has been explored we need to see what it is that destroys a relationship. Here are sure shot ways of how one can ruin a perfectly good relationship:

•	Indulging in your selfishness: There is no I in a relationship. Its all about working together as a couple to overcome a situation or problem. Its often too difficult for us to think about others first. So we simply don’t. For us its all about getting our needs met, our happiness, our sorrow, me me me. That’s what we need to come out of. The ‘Me’ syndrome. So if all that you think about in your relationship is yourself, be assured that things are going to be short lived.
•	Justifying Unfaithfulness: “What they don’t know cant hurt them” that’s what the biggest marital disaster can be summed up as. The thing to remember about unfaithfulness is that it is easy to slip into. Unfaithfulness doesn’t always have to equate to affairs. It comes in more subtle forms too. Porn, a crush on the neighbor across the street, casual flirtation, all may amount to unfaithfulness in a relationship. IT is not okay for you to be unfaithful when committed. Would you tolerate the same behavior from your partner?
•	Expect it to be easy: In a relationship, you don’t have to go looking for trouble, it will come to you. The trials are inevitable. They occur when we are most unprepared for it and take us by surprise. So if you expected your relationship to be easy, you are in for the ride of your life. If you are looking for a way to completely sureshot way to ruin your relationship, assume that your relationship has no commitments and / or adjustments. Live in denial.
•	Pursue the quick fix: Building a good relationship takes time, effort and adjustment. Cut off this oxygen supply and the relationship is as good as dead. Many people think that their relationship is something that they don’t have to work on; it should come easy. So if you don’t want your relationship to work, don’t take the time, don’t expect thing to get better, don’t make the effort and don’t adjust.

IF you see yourself in any of these situations it is a sign that your relationship is not going where you want it to. Get some help if the relationship means something to you and you want to make it work.

Always remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work. If you feel that your relationship is not working out, probably you are not doing enough to make it work. It’s always better to correct yourself and analyze what you are doing wrong before putting the blame on the other person. Self help is and always will be the best help.

All relationships have consequences. The major consequences are

1.	Break Ups
2.	Relationship Abuse and Domestic Violence