What exactly is Abuse?

Abuse is an often misinterpreted word. It can be mistaken for pretty intense feelings of care, concern or even jealousy. The dictionary defines abuse as maltreatment, cruel or inhumane treatments, misuse, mistreat… and the list goes on with synonyms revolving around the same idea.

Relationship Abuse:

Relationship abuse in particular is a pattern of compulsive behavior which often ends up with one person exercising control and dominating a very intimate relationship. Ironically most abusers are survivors of abuse themselves.

Why does a person abuse someone?

As mentioned earlier, one of the main reasons why an individual abuses their partner is because they themselves were a victim of some sort of abuse in the past. They may also be chronically depressed, or may suffer from bipolar affective disorder, a form of depression.

What happens to a person who is abused?

Both emotional and physical/ sexual abuse may take a heavy toll on the victim. Common signs are low self esteem, depression, denial, dependency on drugs or alcohol, suicidal tendency and denial. A person who has been harassed over a period of time comes to live in a state of denial that this cannot be happening to him / her. More often than not, the educated, earning middle class and the upper middle class families fall prey to this form of abuse.

If you feel that you are a victim of abuse, feelings of anger, confusion and frustration are not uncommon. All these emotions are normal responses to abuse. Relationship abuse is not only caused by alcohol, drugs, stress or provocation; it is almost always a choice to remain abusive or not.

The forms of relationship abuse may be different at different stages:

•	Abusive relationships are often mistaken to be physical. This is not the case always. Abuse does not always have to be physical. It may start out with verbal arguments between the couple, often one of the partners dominating the other. Questions of whereabouts of either partner arise, often leading to heated verbal arguments.
•	Abusive relationships are almost always progressive. Emotional and verbal abuse then enters into the next stage - physical. In almost 99.9% of all abusive relationships, it is the woman that has to bear the brunt of the abuse. Being physically stronger men try and exercise control over their women by either beating her, kicking her, slapping her or even pushing her down the stairs.
•	The third extreme case is sexual abuse. Again its all a matter of control. Man shouts at woman, woman shouts back. Man hits woman, burns her with a hot iron, woman lashes back with whatever she can lay her hands on. Man rapes woman (sometimes his own wife), women are helpless.

You are in an abusive relationship if:

•	Someone hurts you physically. Slapping, beating, kicking, pushing, punching, hitting etc.
•	Someone tries to take complete charge of your life. Tells you what you must do, who to speak with, controls what you wear, eat, who you go out with etc
•	Someone emotionally blackmails you with tall claims of love, often saying that they are dominating you only because they love you.
•	Someone threatens to harm you or himself / herself if you choose to end the relationship.
•	Someone constantly monitors all of your actions and movements, sometimes even to the extent of stalking you themselves
•	Someone has a history of bad relationships and blames you when he or she mistreats you.
•	You leave the relationship but return to your partner repeatedly against the advice of friends, family and loved ones.
•	You have trouble leaving the relationship even though you know it’s the right thing that needs to be done.